Saturday, July 22, 2017
Monday, July 06, 2015
If we talked on a daily basis, I may not have thought your line of questioning was rude. I may not have made a beeline to the other side of the giant store to avoid you or anyone remotely close to your demeanor. I may not have contemplated leaving my basket full of items and running for the hills. I was forced to stick it out with my sweet Wyatt and meander through the garden center...sweating and crying. My first trip to the store 'since' was becoming a joke...a bust.
You see, my amazing, handsome, strong, loving, hilarious husband left this world April 27, 2015. He was not supposed to go so soon. My boys and I were not ready for him to leave. We have a lot of plans to fulfill...a lot.
Oh, so you say you 'heard that we HAD to move?' Well, no. We didn't have to move. We chose to move from our 6 acres that we had just purchased not even 2 years prior. Many people and experts say not to make such changes so suddenly, but when you watch your dear boys not be able to go into the room where daddy fell down and couldn't wake back up you tend to consider it. When you have sat up on the couch one too many nights in a row just hoping that their brains are resting and not reliving the Monday over and over. I actually knew we could make it there, but honestly wanted a more manageable existence. We all 4 went and sat in my bedroom floor, right where it happened and prayed. We thanked Jesus for taking good care of daddy now. We prayed that our decision to sell was not about being scared, but about being smart. The first time that a volunteer didn't make their assigned mowing date and the grass was a little harrier than Shane or I would have liked it, I jumped on the tractor between school and practices and tried to knock out as much as I could. It was an emotional ride. Something that used to be my 'summer job' as Shane would jokingly say. Me and my headphones and my Colbie Caillat Pandora station would have normally been a joy, was a chore. A teary, miserable reminder that he was gone and certainly not going to be sweeping in behind me with the weed eater to do the part of my summer job that I hated, all the while he would be teasing me from the ditch that I wasn't going to be on the American Idol tour any time soon. No, we didn't HAVE to move.
You asked 'So where did you HAVE to go?' Well, since you asked like that I will tell you that not all widows are destitute, dumb, mindless, sewer dwellers who no longer seek what is best for their children. We didn't settle for a one bedroom apartment so that I didn't have to mow. We searched and found the greatest house that not only the boys would be proud of, but Shane would have totally lived here. He would not have loved the closeness of the neighbors, the 4th of July bicycle parade would have cracked him up, but I am CERTAIN he loves it for us! He has always been a tad bossy and such a leader. I have said more than once and completely believe that he is putting his two sense in to the man upstairs. Our home where we fully intended to host our grandchildren's summer camps sold in just 3 days. Multiple full price offers. Done. Sold. It had stayed on the market almost 2 years when we purchased it. Thank you, Jesus, for taking care of my sweet family. May the owners of that property enjoy the pond, the newly built barn where our middle son was going to raise baby lambs with my husband's help, where our oldest played on his own full-sized soccer field, and where our youngest learned a between the legs dribble on his own NBA court. When we prayed in our bedroom floor, my oldest asked that the new owners would know the love that was there. I will probably never remember that without crying. That is exactly what I want them to remember about that home. So, where did we have to go. Again, we didn't have to, but we chose to go somewhere manageable and safe. Somewhere that new memories could be made and the yard could get mowed. Co-dependent living is not something my husband would be proud of for us. He would be proud that I have accepted the help that I have, but I can mow my own yard. He would bear hug all of his buddies who have supported us and helped us move.
'So, like WHAT happened to him?' you so rudely continue to ask these pointed questions while cornering me on the chip aisle. We suspect he had a heart attack. 'What? You don't KNOW?' No, we don't. He was 41. He was diabetic. He chewed tobacco. He didn't always eat right. He exercised somewhat irregularly. He worked is tail end off for his family. He was probably too stressed. He coached a sport every season. He may not have had enough down time. He loved without ceasing. He made crude jokes. He popped me with towels in the kitchen. He teased his boys about girls and zits. He was a musician. He probably didn't get to play enough. He was the master of math homework. He drank beer on occasion. We traditionally both drank one when we grilled burgers on the back patio. He liked to play golf. He liked to watch college football, college softball, well...basically any sport. He loved his job. He was ornery. He was loved by everyone he met...even if he kept them guessing. He loved to go hunting with his work buddies. He loved a good surprise, even though he would tell you he didn't. He gave the best hugs. He loved me more than I have ever been loved. He always knew what to say to the boys. He was a born coach and encourager for kids. He loved his momma. He loved his daddy. His grandpa was his hero. He could roll with the punches. I could do this all day, but I didn't do this on the chip aisle. I had reached my limit with her in 3 questions. She wanted more, but I walked away. I hope she got the hint, but I am guessing not.
I have always been 'too nice'. My husband handled all buffering of uncomfortable situations. He could shut down a bugger in one word, one look, one movement. He hated going to the store with me since I had lived and taught in this town my whole life. It was too much. I have learned a lot about myself in the last 11 weeks. I am stronger that I thought I was and with divine intervention all around us, we will make it. My boys and I will keep moving forward, riding the waves of grief one day at a time. We will honor our memories and pray that new ones will become sweet again. We are not there yet. All of the sweet memories include dad. Right now, it feels like we are just moving through the daily motions. Staying busy and relying on family and friends to remind us that we are making it. We will continue to make it and continue to strive to honor God in all things. I will just avoid the chip aisle at all cost.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Monday, August 01, 2011
I am new to pinterest and loving all of the wonderful ideas that I am finding there. I have discovered that in order to share an idea of your own, you need to blog about it first :) So, I am blogging away. School is about to begin again, and I will disappear from the world of fun and adventure the computer for a while.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, February 19, 2010
for all you single ladies out there :) or anyone who can appreciate an almost two year old dancing to the chipmunks!
posing after the dance party
wyatt's single ladies dance off...lane laughing so hard at him you can barely hear the song. these boys keep us rolling!! they are such good boys...all boy...but such good ones.
tater in front of the Rockies stadium...can't wait for baseball season to start for this boy!
my handsome men at our favorite denver mall, park meadows
ok, so i haven't posted since dec. pretty sad, but we have been a bit busy. we traveled to denver over christmas break to meet our new nephew hudson. he was 6 weeks early but is healthy and doing great! can't wait to see him again! we enjoyed our time away and it made me miss seeing those mountains every day.
little dub enjoying his first time to really get out and play in the OK snow.
upon our return, we had some more snow here and another ice dam on our roof. it has been 3 years since the last one and the roof endured the big ice storm of '07 and everything. the insurance literally said it is amazing that it happened again. the conditions and temperatures have to be just right for it to happen. the ice melts from the bottom first and the weight of the snow sends all of that water snaking under your shingles and into the tiniest corner to get in. ahhhh!!! we had just had some french doors and a passage door to the kitchen put on our office and made tate his own room...fun! lane was loving his new room. wyatt was about to graduate to his big boy bed. now, we are awaiting the contents of our garage to be removed to a storage container in our driveway for a week or so while they completely redo the garage ceiling, replace the pad and restretch and clean the carpets, repaint the laundry room, hall, and both little boys rooms. i am praising the Lord for insurance, helpful contractors, and patient children.
i feel so blessed with so many things in such a harsh economy, but teacher morale is a little low right now at my school. if you happen to be reading this...thank a teacher. yes, we get summers off, etc. etc. etc. :) but the current budget cuts are weighing heavily on everyone's minds at school. it is hard to stay positive. that is my goal. we are not in control. pray for good decisions to be made by administration. pray for peace in the minds of some teachers who are new. this is the most real this has ever been.
A teacher affects eternity:he can never tell where his influence stops. - Henry Adams
when you're five...there are not many things more fun than building whatever you want with a giant tub of legos :)
i am blessed! i love my busy, crazy, livin' the minivan dream kind of life...thank you sweet Jesus for saving me, for providing, for caring, for loving, for protecting.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
my dad, step-mom, 2 of their awesome children, and one of their friends came to town. my boys played and played and just knew they were in the presence of greatness. uncle jake is a college baseball player and tate could not leave to go meet up with them at my brother's until granny ran over his ball glove that he left at her house the day before. she was sweet to do it and later that night at home, i found a note he had written to himself about meeting uncle jake and maybe asking him to sign something. i will be keeping that sweet note. it was a great visit!!! my sis took some wonderful pictures of the whole lot of us, but there are a few here.
as a family, minus wyatt due to no strollers aloud, we completed the YMCA hog jog. i must say that amidst all my -itis's i felt better that day than i had in a long time. it was a true blessing and at every turn, there were these great little groups of encouragers. we ran ahead of a group and they were yelling...'go farley's' i seriously almost cried. for one fleeting moment, i felt like rocky balboa or something. a must keep tradition!!
our next adventure for the weekend led us to a little town in NE OK who's name i won't mention for a gig that shane had gotten roped into. i don't normally feel like 'betty better than anyone' but i was a little scared there. i felt like shane needed some chicken wire up like on the blues brother's movie. luckily, my sister and her husband went with us and it served as great back up unless things got crazy but more importantly, we had some great laughs!! we may just laugh about that for years to come to keep from crying :) they were a very receptive crowd though...a few chords in to any hank jr. song and the whole place was howling!!! awesome!
we have recently also adopted 'Tony' our new elf on the shelf. if you have small children, these little guys are precious!! since shane works in international shipping, Tony arrived from the north pole with daddy one night when he came home from work.
if you don't already have it...might i recommend Jacob's Gift by Max Lucado. *tear* i love reading that to the boys this time of year!!!
life is good! thank you sweet savior for all of the things i count as blessings that i know i don't deserve...there is none like You!
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